AT A LOSS
suitcase, open,
ready to be filled
with shoes and clothes
and travel supplies
I need to pack…
he stares pointedly
into its emptiness,
seeing the shape
of memories
I wish time stood still…
the smells, tastes, and
sights of home
paw at his thoughts,
tug at his heart strings
You were always there…
his eyes shine,
pooling with tears,
as his mind tricks him
into feeling like a kid again
I can’t believe you’re gone…
hearing nothing
but his own whispers,
he pets the dog
sitting at his feet
I don’t know how I’ll say goodbye.
2012-04-01
P. Wanken
Written for The Sunday Whirl #50, to use the following words: pet, string, wish, point, trick, shine, paw, smell, pack, shape, taste, and whisper; and for Poetic Asides 2012 PAD Challenge Day 1: write a communication poem.
echoes from the silence 
I like the structure [I know, I always like the structure, but then, that’s something you do particularly well]. The story works well, too, as [except for paw] I forgot this comes from a wordle. This was a great selection of words.
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thank you, margo…I appreciate your feedback.
🙂
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A poignant wordle poem. As Margo says, structure is your forte, and your refrain lines pull it all together.
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Thanks, ViV. 🙂
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Have to echo what Margo and Viv said. The structure here is strong – and adds much – the quatrains of action with the single lines of thought. It’s moving and bittersweet – such simple things tinged with sadness.
Richard
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Thanks, Richard. You picked some good words to work with. Each having a noun and verb usage, it’s like we had 24 words to choose from! I thought about using each word twice, using each form…for about a split second! 😉
The picture that came to mind (eventually) could have fit your poem or mine! It was the same scene…just different circumstances.
~Paula
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Aww… this is so sad, Paula… but beautiful.
http://lkharris-kolp.blogspot.com/2012/04/april-national-poetry-month.html
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Thanks, Laurie. Sad is where my heart is these days…so it was inevitable that it came out in my poem.
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I’m sorry = (
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Thank you, my friend. ❤
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I love the vying between stream of conscience and reality here. Real tears, reading this. Love you, my friend.
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Thanks, de…love you, too! ❤
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Whew, as I read the comments, I see this comes from real life. You used the words well to tell the story. I could visualize the entirety and immensity of the scene. And I am sorry too!
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Thanks for your visit, Mary…yes, the sadness comes from real life, though not exactly this scenario. Thanks for your kindness…and your feedback. I hope to make it back around to read others’ wordles. In the meantime: Happy NaPoWriMo!
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What can I say that hasn’t been said by others, Paula. I like the structure also, it works well for the write.
Pamela
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Thank you, Pamela. I appreciate the feedback.
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You’ve wordled this well. I like the feelings and imagery.
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Thanks, Cheryl. I’m glad you liked it.
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Oh this pulls at the heart strings for sure.
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Thanks for the comment, DDT. ❤
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emotionally powerful, I was about to say I really liked ‘shape of memories’, then went back and looked and realized that i had used it too. 🙂 guess I did like it!
A good poem all the way around. says a lot and leaves a lot for us to fill in.
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Thanks for your comments, Mark. It was a crazy day…I’ll eventually (hopefully!) make it around to read more wordles! It was a great list of words and I want to see how others used them. 🙂
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Your poem hit me especially hard; my grandmother’s in the hospital, fading fast and unlikely to live much longer. My dad is her oldest son, and as I read the last line of your poem, I saw it from his perspective as he faces her passing.
Well written, just not the easiest read for me at the moment.
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Thank you, Traci…may you find comfort and strength in this difficult time! ❤
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