At A Loss

AT A LOSS

suitcase, open,
ready to be filled
with shoes and clothes
and travel supplies

I need to pack…

he stares pointedly
into its emptiness,
seeing the shape
of memories

I wish time stood still…

the smells, tastes, and
sights of home
paw at his thoughts,
tug at his heart strings

You were always there…

his eyes shine,
pooling with tears,
as his mind tricks him
into feeling like a kid again

I can’t believe you’re gone…

hearing nothing
but his own whispers,
he pets the dog
sitting at his feet

I don’t know how I’ll say goodbye.

2012-04-01
P. Wanken

Written for The Sunday Whirl #50, to use the following words: pet, string, wish, point, trick, shine, paw, smell, pack, shape, taste, and whisper; and for Poetic Asides 2012 PAD Challenge Day 1: write a communication poem.

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24 comments

  1. I like the structure [I know, I always like the structure, but then, that’s something you do particularly well]. The story works well, too, as [except for paw] I forgot this comes from a wordle. This was a great selection of words.

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  2. Have to echo what Margo and Viv said. The structure here is strong – and adds much – the quatrains of action with the single lines of thought. It’s moving and bittersweet – such simple things tinged with sadness.

    Richard

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    1. Thanks, Richard. You picked some good words to work with. Each having a noun and verb usage, it’s like we had 24 words to choose from! I thought about using each word twice, using each form…for about a split second! 😉

      The picture that came to mind (eventually) could have fit your poem or mine! It was the same scene…just different circumstances.

      ~Paula

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  3. Whew, as I read the comments, I see this comes from real life. You used the words well to tell the story. I could visualize the entirety and immensity of the scene. And I am sorry too!

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    1. Thanks for your visit, Mary…yes, the sadness comes from real life, though not exactly this scenario. Thanks for your kindness…and your feedback. I hope to make it back around to read others’ wordles. In the meantime: Happy NaPoWriMo!

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  4. emotionally powerful, I was about to say I really liked ‘shape of memories’, then went back and looked and realized that i had used it too. 🙂 guess I did like it!

    A good poem all the way around. says a lot and leaves a lot for us to fill in.

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    1. Thanks for your comments, Mark. It was a crazy day…I’ll eventually (hopefully!) make it around to read more wordles! It was a great list of words and I want to see how others used them. 🙂

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  5. Your poem hit me especially hard; my grandmother’s in the hospital, fading fast and unlikely to live much longer. My dad is her oldest son, and as I read the last line of your poem, I saw it from his perspective as he faces her passing.

    Well written, just not the easiest read for me at the moment.

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