mind

It’s All In My Head

IT’S ALL IN MY HEAD

I’m alone
in this space,
this place
where thoughts
collide
with reality.
Whispers of hope
are crowded out
by shouts
of disappointment
and failure.
My cries go unheard;
tears, undried.
I’m all alone
in this space.

2015-06-22
P. Wanken

Shared at Phoenix Rising Poetry Guild

Contrary Mind

CONTRARY MIND

spinning
spiraling
down, down, down
into the depths of darkness
my mind tells me
I am beyond hope
nothing can help
I should be able to manage
on my own
I do not need that little pill

at the bottom
I resign

spinning
spiraling
onward and upward
into another blue sky day
my mind tells me
I am just fine
I don’t need any help
I can manage
on my own
I don’t need that little pill

at the top
I resist

spinning
spiraling
down
down
down

again

2011-10-25
P. Wanken

Written for Poetic Bloomings prompt to write a “life’s a little weird” poem. To me…depression is weird, with a mind of its own.

Faith. Hope. Love. ….and funk….

Faith. Hope. Love. And the greatest of these is love. This is found in 1 Corinthians 13, where we read about abiding in these things…remaining in them.

Dictionary.com (which, along with Google and Bing, is one of my trusty go-to sites), defines these words (in part) as this:

Faith (a noun): belief that is not based on proof

Hope (in this case, a verb): to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence; to believe, desire, or trust

Love (in this case, a noun): a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.

These days I’ve been thinking a lot about these words. In the midst of my funk, I have sought to abide, or remain, in these things. It’s not easy! These are not tangible things I can pull off a shelf and wrap around my shoulders. As I wrote yesterday about needing to be renewed in my mind…these are things that are needed in order to over-take the doubts and discouragements and lies that are so easily found there. These are the things in which I need to remain…in my mind as well as in the core of my very being! If I have these three things ruling my thoughts, I shouldn’t be in a funk.

I think Paul had a slightly “bigger picture” in mind when he wrote these words in Corinthians…in my finite/limited knowledge of theology…

FAITH enables me to receive salvation from the Father, HOPE enables me to expect a future–eternity with Him; and by LOVE I am His image and an extension of Him here on earth. The greatest of these is love? Because LOVE carries into eternity (where faith and hope will no longer be necessary).

But I think it also applies to a season of “funkdum”…

Faith…is believing God is walking this path with me though I cannot see Him; Hope…is knowing that my future will not always be slimed by “funk”, but that Jeremiah 29:11 speaks of plans of prosper and not harm, for hope and a future; and Love…is knowing that just as I am created to show God’s love to others, others have also been created to show His love to me. And therein lies the tangible means of defeating funk.

Thank you, Father, for walking with me even if I can’t see you, for plans to prosper me and not harm me, and especially for those people you have put in my life to show YOUR love for me.

Amen.

I have a mind to…SNAP OUT OF IT!

A friend of mine today told me I should snap out of it…to get out of the funk I’m in.

First of all….
Yes, I’ve been in a funk.

Second of all……
Yes, it truly was a friend….who said some things that were hard to hear, but were needed. Still not sure if it was all true…but made me think.

And third of all…..
How DOES one “snap out of it”, anyway!?

My post yesterday was about crying out to God like David did. And I did. And have been. And I know that God is truly where my help can come from. But is there something I should be DOing to help the process along??

Earlier today I was reading about having the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16). And the mind being controlled by sinful nature is death, but a mind controlled by the Spirit is life and Peace (Romans 8:6). And the admonition to not conform to the world, but be transformed by the renewing of the mind (Romans 12:2). SOOooo much goes on in the mind. My mind is easily overcome with doubt, insecurities, lies. I recognize that. And over the years I have battled those “patterns of the world”. I have had victories in many of those battles. And ultimately I know the war has been won by the price Christ paid for my life. Yet I find myself even today, still fighting the battle.

So….what do I DO, now!? Well…I know I need to stay in tune with God through staying in the Word. My times of reading Scripture. Prayer. More of that “crying out”…to be honest with Him. But, often, for a (sometimes too) independent, fix-it, perfectionist, doer like myself…….that just doesn’t seem like enough.

Lord…transform my mind….may I be ever mindful of YOUR thoughts. Not my own. Not my enemy’s. YOUR thoughts. May I take my worth and value from who YOU see me to be. Help me, Lord, to “snap out of it”….

Amen.