Abandon(ed) Ship

100 Days of Summer 2012, Poetry, The Sunday Whirl, , , , , ,

 

ABANDON(ED) SHIP

in my marrow
I feel it,
link after link
is loosed,
your heart
no longer anchored
to mine, as mine
sinks

in your wake
I’m left
to navigate
the choppy seas,
as I pitch,
unbalanced,
not knowing what
is in store

the deck
is cleared,
I stand alone;
no one beside me
at the rail, no one
at my stern;
no one waiting
at port

2012-08-05
P. Wanken

Inspired by The Sunday Whirl’s Prompt #68: marrow, link, store, anchor, wake, navigate, stern, deck, pitch, sink, rail, and port. Also posted for Day 32 at “100 Days of Summer” — click here to go to their Facebook page.

31 comments

  1. Really well done extended metaphor Paula. It works well and tells the tale in an unsual manner, but certainly gets the story across clearly. The end of any relationship usually sets us adrift for some time, but luckily we do eventually get our feet back under us and can proceed.

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    1. Thank you so much, Elizabeth. I’m not always able to carry a metaphor throughout, but glad this one worked. Thanks for your encouragement! ~Paula

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  2. Your first stanza is hauntingly sad and so beautiful. It’s never easy when a relationship ends. You have captured the heartbreak perfectly.

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    1. Thank you, Marianne. I’m glad the “haunting sadness” came through. I imagined standing in the middle of a boat/ship, alone…in the middle of a vast expanse of water. (In the dark, too, actually.) So it felt rather haunting to me as I wrote.

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  3. First off, your double title is very smart. This is one of the worst relationship conundrums … should I run out first or let you run out on me? Abandon you before you can abandon me, or just wait and let you do it? Both are painful, but if you leave first there’s the illusion of control.

    This is a very good poem.

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    1. Thank you so much, Flipside. Having something I wrote be described as “smart” made my day! Thanks for your visit and your feedback. 🙂

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    1. Thanks, Pamela. I’m always glad when my attempts at extended metaphor work. 🙂 And…as for the 100 Days of Summer…yes, I posted day 33 today (“summer” got a late start, I guess?). So far so good. There are so many great prompt sites out there, that I’ve been finding ways to fill in around their two “themes” a week offered on the “100 Days” Facebook page. But it’s cut into my reading time. I haven’t been around to read nearly as much as I usually do. But I’ve been enjoying the challenge of posting daily. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by and for the encouragement! ~Paula

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    1. So glad you like the title — I vacillated between “Abandoned” (which describes the event) and the “Abandon” (which is generally how you hear the phrase, and the feeling one gets, along with the feeling in the first stanza). So…back and forth I went. Finally decided the title could be BOTH. 🙂

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  13. Our pieces are almost the antithesis of each other this week. This is an excellent write, Paula. Don’t know if it’s autobiographical, but if you want Mr. Wonderful, I hope he appears in your life. 🙂

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    1. Thanks for stopping by, Brenda! And for your kind words. I’ve just popped over to “Undercaws” to read yours — you’re right!

      You provided great words for us to work with this week…loved reading the variety of uses of the nautical terms.

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    1. MMT – I came back to this poem (almost a year later) to post as the answer to another prompt at Poetic Bloomings, and discovered I hadn’t responded to your comment. Thank you — yes, the repetition of “no one” was a way to convey the “alone-ness” I had felt.

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