moving on

 

MOVING ON


where copper pots once clattered
silence

sands of time passed too quickly
his world, a haze

eyes closed
images flitting through his mind
memories take shape

she moved with grace here, as a dancer
he couldn’t resist

feeling the cool surface of the granite countertop
he smiles
remembering where he peppered her with kisses
for the last time

inhaling deeply

he pulls the shade, turns out the light
whispers goodbye

2011-06-26
P. Wanken

Written for The Sunday Whirl, prompt #10, using the 12 words from the wordle.

22 comments

  1. I love the kitchen setting, from countertop to copper pans clattering. Endings are difficult…I wonder if she died, or if its over. Ambiguity is good, because it forces the reader to move beyond the piece. Well penned, Paula!

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    1. Thanks, Mike…
      I actually wrote it first as a woman reflecting on her man’s absence….and then switched it up. It was after I posted this that I read your wordle poem. I haven’t read too many of the others’ poems…but will do so tonight. I wonder how many of us ended up in the kitchen! ~Paula

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  2. Very moving. I agree that the kitchen setting is perfect – I’ve always felt it to be the heart of a home. You’ve told so much about the characters in so few words – impressive!

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  3. I am enjoying so much watching how you structure your poetry, reading and rereading to make sure I catch the effects of your line breaks. The opening lines are powerful and set the mood for the whole. So glad you are wordling 🙂

    margo

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    1. Margo: I love writing the wordle responses. It’s the prompt I look forward to the most! Brenda chooses great words, doesn’t she!? 🙂 Thanks for your comments regarding my structure…I’m sure I don’t follow the “proper process” for writing (especially noting that all my writing is done on the computer!)…so often I play with the line breaks and then they end up right how they started. I kind of go with the “feel”.

      ~Paula

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  4. Well, as I have said before, Paula, your instincts are good. You have a very natural feel for where the lines should break. Trust yourself. And there is no proper process: it’s what works for you. Trust me 🙂
    margo

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  5. Paula, I love this. I too was in the kitchen, but mine has a very different feel. I’m stunned. It’s beautiful and sad. That word “silence” all on its own in the first stanza sets the tone for what’s to follow. I love the “she moved with grace here” stanza – it’s perfect.

    Richard

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