Finding Peace   14 comments

FINDING PEACE

entranced
I watched them

their murmurs
cumbersome

reluctant was she
to answer

her hands
holding a map

his eyes strayed
to where I hid

pelts, we had
his senses, we needed

dense smoke
cemented the deal

2012-02-26
P. Wanken

Written for The Sunday Whirl #45, to use the following words: pelt, cumbersome, smoke, reluctant, entranced, dense, map, answer, stray, murmur, senses, and cement.

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Posted 2012/02/26 by pmwanken in Poetry, The Sunday Whirl

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14 responses to “Finding Peace

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  1. I like it, Paula. I like it a lot. This is a great exploration of early campfire deals. Makes me wish for a simpler time.

    • Thank you, Brenda. As DDT pointed out, such deals were not always so peaceful. Simpler, maybe, but not always with the result that was wanted. I opted for a happier ending. ;)

  2. Paula- Your wordles never cease to amaze me.

  3. Wouldn’t it have been something if it had always been such a peaceful deal.
    Lovely capture of a little bit of early American history

  4. Paula, your economy of words is so good here. I felt the reluctance and the hiding. I love that last stanza, great use of “cemented”.

    Richard

    • Thanks, Richard! I was so tempted to go the opposite direction and write “flash fiction!” ;) It was a great exercise in restraint — without leaving out too much. I’m glad you felt the reluctance/hiding. I’m not sure if it’s because of the structure, but I had it without the blank lines — and then added them. I felt it conveyed the “space/distance” between the woman and the trader. Anyway…thanks for the feedback. :)

  5. I love ‘dense smoke cemented the deal.’ I can almost smell the campfire.

  6. I so agree with Laurie here Paula – your wordles are wonders … such economical use of the words and they’re woven wonderfully well.

    http://aleapingelephant.blogspot.com/2012/02/last-wolf.html

  7. Your brief story tells volumes. I on the other hand filled a page with volumes to tell a short story.

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